dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
