I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
