Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
