I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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