i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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