Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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