What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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