covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
