i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
