There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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