I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
