nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
