Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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