my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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