If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
