I feel like abortions should bother me more
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
