I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
