The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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