nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
