I will die if light touches me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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