I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
