Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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