Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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