Don't make out with my wife yet
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
