im holly from the hills drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize