I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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