C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
