plz talk dirty to me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God I need to hump something, right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
