Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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