goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
