He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
