matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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