Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
