i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
