3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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