from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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