so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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