My cat gives me a boner
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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