we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
