can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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