last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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