Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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