Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
