from now on my penis is your penis
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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