I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
