I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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