I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
