You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
