I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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