You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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