I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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