This girl is more easily done than said...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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