Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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