She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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