my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize