Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
