I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
