I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
