Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
