Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
