i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
