Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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