That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
