so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
