the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
