dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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