there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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