NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
