I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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