Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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