So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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