So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
