well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
