Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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