Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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