id be glad to
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
