He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
