so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
