gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
wow bdsm is so cute
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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