A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
